What Gospel Actions Strengthen my Marriage the Most?

In search to strengthen the bonds of my marriage, I found this article recently with a list of things that happily married couples do, and I found it very enlightening. It made me ponder and make a mental note of what gospel actions have had the biggest impact on my marriage so far. Every aspect of gospel living has had an impact on my marriage, but the three below are the one's that I feel have strengthened my marriage the most. 

1. Family Prayers

What benefits come from praying as a couple? I know, without a doubt in my mind, that as my husband and I kneel in prayer together, we are blessed. This is one action, when neglected, I am noticing has an impact on our marriage. I tend to be quicker to anger and we miscommunicate more often. As you pray as a couple, your individual relationship with God will strengthen and your relationship with your spouse will strengthen too. 

In the 'Marriage and Family Relations' Sunday School course, one lesson teaches how prayer strengthens a marriage. I love this thought, "You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another." It is so true! As my husband and I pray together, we have a happier marriage and fewer conflicts arise. For more from this lesson you can find it HERE. 

I suggest praying as a couple at least once a day. Whether that be in the morning or night, make it consistent. What better way to start your day together than by conversing with the Lord as a couple? By doing this consistently, you form a habit that can lead to a life-time full of family prayers and a strong marital relationship. I know that as you and your spouse pray together everyday, your marriage will be greatly enriched. Your home will be filled with peace and your relationship with your spouse will grow.

2. Family Home Evening

“We don't have kids, should we still have Family Home Evening as a couple?” Yes, yes, yes, and yes. (For info on what FHE is click HERE). Family Home Evenings are meant for families, and are not you and your spouse a family now? Kyle and I are continually trying, though not successfully each week, to spend some time having our own FHE. I've realized that they don't need to be some spectacular event, but a simple sharing of testimonies and discussion. By spending even an hour each week discussing gospel topics, I know that your marriage is strengthened.

Again, consistency is key. We try to have it every Monday night, but sometimes with school and homework it gets pushed to another day; This is okay! At first it was hard to implement, but now after a few months of effort it has become a habit. We can still receive the benefits As long as we are actively trying to do so. (Additionally, a treat afterward can help to make it more fun.)

 “I know that having FHE as a couple is important, but what are lesson ideas for couples specifically?” Kyle and I tried figuring out a schedule of lessons (I would do the lesson one week and him the next), but it became stressful on top of all of our school work. What we've found that works best is reading gospel material, more specifically, Jesus The Christ by James E. Talmage. By just reading a chapter, it sparks a great discussion from which we can both benefit. This has been a great way to strengthen my testimony and my marriage in just one simple evening each week. Below are a few more ideas:

• Trisha from Let's Get Together gives specific FHE lesson and activity ideas for newlyweds and empty nesters you can find HERE. 
• Want a specific FHE lesson already planned? Check out LDS Daily's post designed specifically for a newlywed FHE lesson HERE.  
• Marissa, another newlywed, offers 11 FHE ideas that are simple yet fun HERE.

"We cannot afford to neglect this heaven-inspired program [family home evening]. It can bring spiritual growth to each member of the family, helping him or her to withstand the temptations which are everywhere. The lessons learned in the home are those that last the longest." -Thomas S. Monson

For testimony from Latter-Day prophets on the importance of Family Home Evenings, click HERE. 

3. Regular Temple Attendance with my spouse. 

This gospel action, for me personally, is one of my favorite things to do. I am very grateful that my husband and I were able to make covenants in the temple together. I love going to the House of the Lord where the same sacred covenants I entered into with my husband are performed each and every day. I know, that as Kyle and I continue to go to the temple together to serve, our marriage has been blessed.

As a couple, we try and attend the temple at least once a month (since we are about an hour away from a temple). It is important to figure out what works best for your marriage situation. I believe that you can never go to the temple too often. Sometimes, if there is an important decision to be made, going to the temple more often than usual can bring added blessings and guidance.

There are many blessings that have come from attending the temple of which we are unaware. I do know that as you attend the temple with your spouse, your marriage is strengthened. You can find more peace and understanding in the temple. Regular temple attendance doesn’t just bless your marriage, but also blesses you individually.

I understand that not everyone has a current temple recommend or has made all or any of the temple covenants, but I know that as you work toward those and make it a goal, you will be blessed in your efforts. For more info on LDS Temples go HERE and for more info on the covenants made therein go HERE. 

Though all aspects of gospel living have blessed my marriage, daily prayer, weekly FHE, and attending the temple together consistently, have blessed my marriage the most. I believe that your marriage should be your most cherished possession and these three actions can help you defend it against the fiery darts of the adversary. 

Hobbies and Marriage: Do they work together?

Married life is absolutely wonderful, but staring lovingly into one another eyes is only fun for so long. I've found, since my husband and I now have more time to spend together, we find ourselves being bored and longing for something to do. Having hobbies in marriage is important! Here are a few things that I have learned about hobbies since getting married.

1. You can keep your hobbies you enjoyed before marriage.

I had a misconception about this coming into marriage. I knew that I could, and would, have time to myself, but I didn't know to what extent I could enjoy my hobbies. I've learned that when I want to do my hobbies, my husband can do his. Just because you have more time to spend together, doesn't mean that you can't spend time apart. (See my blog post about time HERE) 

Your hobbies don't need to be the same as your spouse's. At the beginning of my marriage, I felt bad that my hobbies were so different than Kyle's, but I am learning that it's okay that we still enjoy our individual hobbies. We can appreciate our spouses' hobbies while not being in love with what they are doing. 

Random Awesome Stories: There is great article about some hidden talents some of the modern day prophets have that might surprise you. Did you know that President Thomas S. Monson raised pigeons as a child? For more check it out HERE. I bet that President Monson's wife didn't raise pigeons with him, but she probably supported his hobbies and interests. 

2. Finding common interests can help your marriage grow.

My husband and I are so different. What are hobbies can we do together? I've asked myself this many times. My hobbies are very different compared to my husband's. This has made it a little difficult to find hobbies that we can do together. I am learning that we both need to stretch ourselves and learn to do something completely new together. 

Tawny May wrote a great article about how learning to love her husband's interests, which happened to be snake hunting, helped them come closer together. She says, "...we are all weirdos in our own individual way. We all love different things, and there’s a reason for that."

This has made me reflect, "What are some hobbies that we can do together as a couple?" Developing common interests can be an answer to this question. By finding something new that you can both enjoy is a good place to start. Here are a few of my suggestions:

• Interior Decoration: You can work with your spouse to repaint a room, find wall art, or do simple DIY home projects. 
• Gardening: Though I don't currently have a garden, my husband and I are looking to start growing herbs in our home. Researching and then finding what plants work best for your situation can be a great hobby for any couple.
• Work out Together: This is something Kyle and I started to doing together. We go running three times a week and find it a fun and healthy way to spend time together. Plus, it helps you get an even greater body to show off to your spouse ;)
• Volunteer together: It's a great way to serve others and spend time together!

There is a whole website dedicated to hobby ideas for couples titled "Hobbies For Couples". They have all types of ideas from indoor to outdoor and unique ideas. Here are a few of my favorites that I found:

• Do puzzles together
• Genealogy work
• Take up Geocaching
• Start ballroom dancing together

If you can't figure out how to take the first step to find common interests, Greg Smalley gives great tips on how to cultivate these common interests in your marriage. Check them out HERE. 

3. Hobbies can be expensive.

http://www.favecrafts.com/

Lastly, I am learning that hobbies can be expensive. The hobbies that I like tend to be a bit more expensive, i.e. crafting! Make sure to discuss with your spouse the cost of a hobby before you start. Even though you might not have tight expenses, everyone should be conscious of where their income is being spent. Being in college and saving for grad school especially makes us consider the cost of our hobbies. What are some relatively cheap hobbies that I can do with my husband?
Well here are a few of my ideas:

• Read a book together: and this can be free if you find one at the library!
• Go hiking: but beware of state and national park fees. 
• Become an expert at card or board games: this is also one that can involve other couples too!
• Learn a language together:or in my situation have my husband teach me Italian.

Sheri Hosale also gives 25 tips for budget-minded couples. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Join or view Community Theatre
• Take a cooking class together
• Take up Photography
• Go camping

Lastly, hobbies can help you and your spouse better spend time together and apart. By starting a new hobby with your spouse you can learn many new things about one another. Exploring my own hobbies and cultivating new ones with my spouse have been a blessing. 

If you have any great hobbies that you enjoy and would like to share, comment below so we can all learn from each other. Thanks for reading and be sure to look at my other posts for advice from a newlywed. 

How to Serve my Spouse

How do I serve my spouse effectively and lovingly? How can I become less selfish in marriage? What are easy ways to serve my spouse?

These are some of the questions I've thought about recently. Advice givers always say to serve your spouse, but how? Now, I haven't learned or applied all of the answers to these questions in my life, but I am consistently working towards that goal. The point of this post is to help you improve the quality of your marriage, or your future marriage. There are many sources on Pinterest or even on Google that can answer my questions, but I wanted more personalized and relative answers. Below are a few of my favorite pieces of advice and wisdom that I learned about effective service in marriage.

1. Why is it important to serve my spouse?

I didn't realize how crucial service can be in a marriage until I got married. I serve my spouse every day without realizing it, but we need to not rely solely on the day to day things. At times, service to your spouse needs to be intentional. Service is a way to keep your love alive. It also helps you gain a better perspective on Christlike charity and service. I am learning more about the love and service of my Savior from the service and love I feel for my spouse. Overall, it is important to serve your spouse because it prepares you for all other service you will render throughout your life. What better way to practice joyfully serving your children than to serve your spouse? I really love how simply this video below shows the importance of service in marriage.

2. What can service do for my marriage?

I can verify first hand that service can do a lot not only for your marriage but for yourself. Service can help you become more selfless. I love this quote below from Richard G. Scott found here.

I have come to gain a testimony of this statement. Since being married, I am becoming less selfish, which is such a blessing. I am learning to love to serve my spouse. I've been able to overcome some selfish tendencies because I consciously make an effort to think about my spouse first. I am realizing more now that marriage isn't just a fun adventure, but it's helping me prepare for children and for the eternities. Service has also helped Kyle and I grow closer together. Sister Barbara B. Smith in a general conference talk said, "Service within a family increases spirituality and strengthens bonds of love." I believe this because I have seen these effects first hand. As Kyle and I serve one another, we become better friends and our love grows stronger. This has helped us have a more positive outlook and a more blissful life - all blessings from serving one another.

3. What are ways in which I can serve my spouse?

There are many simple and easy ways to serve your spouse. Service doesn't need to take hours or tons of effort. I've learned that not only is it important to serve your spouse, but it is equally important to serve with your spouse. I know there are many ideas all over the internet, but here are a few of my ideas that have been highly effective in my marriage.

charissaleephotography.com

• Attend the temple together -You serve your spouse by giving them an opportunity to serve others!
• Understand their schedule - This might sound odd, but a great way to serve your spouse is by knowing when they are going to be free and busy.
• Smile - Offering a willing smile can cheer them up and help brighten their day.
• Assist them with their church callings - If they are prepping for a lesson or scheduling meetings, offer to help.
• Pray for them - You may not be able to see the benefits, but it does way more than you know. You may also be more readily inspired to know how to better serve them!

Here are a few unique lists for serving your spouse that I really enjoy. Remember, not all marriages are the same, so be sure to apply what fits your marriage.

From Grass Fed Mama:

• Scrape the ice off their windshield in the winter
• Choose not to nag about something that hasn't been completed
• Wash their car
• Pick up their favorite snack when you are at the grocery store

Seeing Sunshine gives 50 ideas:

• Put your phone down
• Make them a playlist
• Spend some time doing their hobbies with them
• Talk positively about them in public

Lara from Overstuffed gives some great insights for simple actions to better serve your spouse:

• Thank them
• Ask them
• Observe them

4. What are problems involving service that can occur in marriage?

This might not be a question you would think to ask, but it is one that I wish I had asked before getting married. Service doesn't always cause problems, but it can, and it's good to be prepared. In my last post, I blogged about when I first got married, I felt like I always needed to do all the housework. Service became a problem when Kyle would do the dishes, and I would attribute it to me not being a good enough wife. Extreme, I know, but I've since learned better. It seems that sometimes it is hard to accept service from other people. Society is craving more independency and pushing this idea to all of it's members. This can be in an issue in any budding marriage. I know that I should be serving my spouse, but am I allowing my spouse to serve me? To graciously and willingly accept service from your spouse can foster many great things. This is hard, believe me, but it is a worthy goal to work toward. I've realized that if I want my spouse to accept my service willingly, then I should do the same.

Another problem that I have seen is keeping score. "Well I did the dishes the last 3 times, and you haven't done them at all this week!" Service should never be demanded or expected. Make sure that when you willingly accept service from your spouse and others to not make a tally in your head. We should always be serving, but not for the purpose of 'getting even' or 'paying you back'. Accept service as it is, a kind gesture out of love. Even though we many not be keeping score, at times it can seem that the service is never reciprocated. If this is the case for you, make sure you talk to your spouse. Communication is key in serving your spouse. Also, D&C 64:33 gives great advice, "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." 
Service can be and should be a joy to render. Understand that service for your spouse or anyone else brings great blessings to your life. I love this advice I heard in a church lesson once, "Service is joyful when its given in this order:

• J esus

• O thers

• Y ourself "

If you have any ideas or suggestion on ways to effectively serve your spouse or blessings you have seen in you marriage from serving one another, comment below!

My Six Month Reality Check - Expectations vs. The Truth

I recently hit my six month mark of marriage! (Yea me!!!) Because of this, I spent some time this week reflecting on some of the expectations I had coming into marriage. I've come to learn that many of these ideas were completely wrong. Some of these expectations were advice that friends and family had given me, but now don't quite fit my marriage.  My marriage has had its difficulties, I won't lie, but it has been a great adventure. Below are a few of the most influential expectations I had coming into marriage and how they have changed in these last six months. When reading this post, remember to take my advice only as far as it pertains to your personal relationships. Each marriage is unique.

1. Marriage means 'Happily Ever After'.

A wedding, or marriage, is occasionally referred to as one's 'happily ever after'. This is far from reality. The wedding may be your 'once upon a time', but that is not where your story ends. This has been important for me to learn because it emphasizes the importance of the journey in marriage. Just because you are married (or in a committed relationship) does not mean that life stands still. I've learned first hand that marriage takes effort, but it has been the most rewarding experience of my entire life. What I take this to refer to now is that marriage can be the happiest time in your life, but you need to understand that 'happily ever after' doesn't mean that you will always be blissfully happy. 

2. We will never argue. 

I thought that once we got married everything would be easy because we were so similar and loved each other. This has been proven wrong, a few too many times. Kyle and I have disagreed on a number things since being married, and some of them have gotten pretty heated. I wasn't prepared for how many little annoyances would become a big issue once I became married. This was such a bad expectation to come into marriage with, because I realized that I didn't really know how to resolve our disagreements. Most of these expectations have come back to bite me, but they have taught me a lot about myself. Understand that disagreements are inherent in any relationship, and especially in marriage. The best way to prepare for this is to learn how to combat these issues when they arise. I will talk more about conflict resolution in a future post, so stay tuned.

3. Intimacy will come naturally and easily.

To preface, my husband and I waited until after marriage before having sex. I knew that sex would be a new learning experience, but I didn't prepare myself for the idea that it wouldn't be glamorous or easy. The media teaches that intimacy comes easily, and you won't be awkward or shy about it. Once I got married, I was slapped in the face with the reality that this new side of our relationship would take some practice. Before marriage, I lived by the idea that if I truly loved Kyle, I wouldn't let myself be intimate with him. But upon getting married, in the blink of an eye, that all changed. That change required time to adjust to. Intimacy in marriage is approved by God, but it takes time for sex to feel more natural. Overall, I have learned that intimacy is nothing like the media portrays. It take practice. I have also learned that it may not be 'perfect' at first, but it definitely gets better and more natural over time. 

4. Wives do all the housework.

This is not something that I thought about much coming into my marriage. I was never told that wives have to do all the housework, but I somehow thought that it was my duty to do so. I soon became overwhelmed with everything I felt expected to do (cook, dishes, laundry, and clean the house). It took communication with my husband to understand what we each were going to do around the house. We are both full time students and working part time. This article helped me understand I couldn't do it all, and that that's okay. We agreed that since we both have the same workload, that we would share the household duties. I cook most of the meals (because I actually like to) and Kyle cleans the toilet most of the time (because it's my least favorite). I found it is important to find joy in doing the things that you don't like, but this can be a hard thing to do. Buzzfeed has 37 hacks for dish washing that have greatly impacted my life (because I loathe dish washing) that you can find here.

I have learned more fully that marriage is an equal partnership. We are both new to this, and it takes some practice. Marriage is the most time consuming, stress inducing, and rewarding thing I have ever done, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my husband more now than the day we got married, and I know that that love will continue growing over time. Expectations can help us prepare for the future, but we need to make sure that they don't limit us from moving forward.

Love, Dating, and Flirting

Oneness in Marriage

I am dating while being married. Even though I am married, I am still dating my spouse. I also flirt with him too! In light of the upcoming Valentines day, I wanted to share my thoughts about love, dating, and flirting with your spouse.

1. Show Love           Daily

And yes, I mean daily. This may sound obvious, but life gets busy. Time flies by, work gets harder, and kids come into the picture. Showing love to your spouse becomes harder, but is essential to keeping alive that love that was blooming at the first of your marriage. When I first got married, life was pretty easy (partially because it was the end of summer break). When school started, life definitely got busier, and it seems that the longer I am married the busier it gets. I like to take a few moments of each day to let my husband know how I feel about him and my gratitude for him. It's not easy, but I know that if I don't do these things now our love will wilt away. 

It is important to take time to express love to your spouse. This doesn't need to be a grand gesture with a marching band and exhaust writing from a plane. The small things and gestures are sometimes the most effective. There are many ways to show your spouse how much you love and care for them. Here are a few ideas:

a.     Tell them "I Love You"
b.     Leave them a note sharing your love
c.     Kiss them spontaneously
d.     Serve them
e.     Initiate intimacy
f.      Pray for your spouse with your spouse
g.     Take them on a date
h.     Flirt with them
i.      Treat them to a great night out

These are just a few that I have tried, but the list could go on forever. To find more suggestions, check out an additional 50 ideas here. Also, below is a video from the Mormon Channel with advice from a few couples discussing the ways that they express love to one another.

2. Date your Spouse

Once you get married, keep dating! Just because you are no longer in the game of pursuing an eternal companion, does not mean that your relationship can just coast along. Dating is how your love for one another began, and it is the same in marriage to keep it growing. Dating is a chance to spend quality time with your spouse. It gives you, as a couple, the chance to get to know each other even deeper. I have learned many new things about my husband when we are able to go and do something new together. It fosters great conversations and creates lasting memories.

Dates don't have to cost a lot or take a lot of time. My husband and I have had dates where we clean the house and reward ourselves with Costa Vida or Panda Express (which are our all-time favorite restaurants). Our dates can be a trip to Walmart or a walk around the block. Dates are what you and your spouse make of them. Find out what Nurturing Marriage says on why you should still ask your spouse out on dates here. 

Dates can be planned or spontaneous. Trying to figure out new and fun date ideas can be difficult, but The Dating Divas have so many great ideas for any type of date. From occasions to themes, they have it all. To check them out, go to their website here or their Pinterest page here. 

"Husbands and wives who no longer laugh and play together are losing their fondness for each other and perhaps even their capacity to stay together. True love includes a joyful, almost childlike quality." - Hugh W. Pinnock

3. Flirting isn't just for Single people

You flirt to get someone's attention, right? Even though you are married, at times you still need to get the attention of your spouse. Flirting can be a great way to show your spouse your love for them. It makes your spouse feel pursued and desired, even though they have already been 'caught'. This is a great way to keep that spark alive that you felt before you were married. 
Here are a few ideas on how to flirt with your spouse:

a.     Send a cute text about how you feel
b.     Wink from across the room
d.     Play footsies (in a public place)
e.     Plant a spontaneous kiss on their lips
f.      Send a flirty pic of yourself to them
g.     Take advantage of a red stop light
h.     Write a cute message on the mirror/shower
i.      Make a bet with kisses as the reward
j.      Create sexy pet names for each other

If you have any other suggestions be sure to comment below.

Marriage is hard work. By following these three pieces of advice, your relationship 'flower' can stay in full bloom and grow even more beautiful. This Valentines Day, or every day really, show your spouse how much you love and appreciate them through the small and simple gestures listed above.