Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Forgiving: The Most Important Quality

I have learned within the few short months of being married the truth of the title of this post. Forgiveness is one of the most important (and probably the most occurring) action we take in marriage. I read this article on "Nurturing Marriage" and it made me think about how forgiveness has had an impact on my marriage. Here a few tips on how in your marriage, or any relationship, you can improve forgiveness.

1. Don't focus on the little annoyances and shortcomings


Your spouse and you are different people, this isn't a new concept, I hope. Once you get married it seems that all of the little things that were simple annoyances now seem like big roadblocks. It can be a huge downfall when we hold onto this frustration and occasionally anger, because it blocks the trust within your relationship. There is a wise quote that says:

We are not perfect people, and we are not meant to become such in this life. I have learned that these little "issues" are what make my husband and I different, and that's the way it should be. It is important to always focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you hate or dislike about them. I may not be perfect with this concept but I am working on it, and that's what really counts. 

"We all have our weaknesses and failings. Sometimes the husband sees a failing in his wife, and he upbraids her with it. Sometimes the wife feels that her husband has not done just the right thing, and she upbraids him. What good does it do? Is not forgiveness better? Is not charity better? Is not love better?" -Joseph F. Smith


2. Sincere apologies and forgiveness are the most beneficial

In my last post I mentioned the 5 love languages, and now I bring to light the Apology Languages. These are ways in which a person wants, asks for, and likes receiving forgiveness. To find out what your language is click here

Sincere and explanatory apologies are essential because they help your spouse understand what you feel went wrong. I tend to say "I'm sorry" for every little thing. Kyle has encouraged me to explain what I feel I did wrong, and most times there really isn't a problem. Being specific allows for more growth between partners, because it is more than a simple exchange of words. It is chance to better understand one another. Tip: It is helpful if your apology doesn't simply include "I'm sorry" but also asks for forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't one sided. It is both asking and giving. It requires both partners. 

Michelle of #staymarried gives a few great tips for the best apology, check it out here.


3. Asking forgiveness implies change


To ask for forgiveness isn't just accepting blame but accepting that you are going to improve. This quality makes giving forgiveness 10x easier. There are going to be things that you need to improve, its human nature. Something that I have a problem with is interrupting Kyle with really random thoughts when he is in the middle of discussing something. Now, this has been something that I continue to ask forgiveness for, but I am always trying to work on it. I feel that I don't fully receive forgiveness by simply saying "I'm sorry" but through working on what I have done wrong. Just asking for forgiveness from your spouse doesn't necessarily mean that we will receive it, unless its coupled with a true change of heart. This directly applies to the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He is willing and ready to give forgiveness as long as we have a change of heart and work on improving. 

"To every forgiveness there is a condition. The plaster must be as wide as the sore. " - Spencer W. Kimball


4. Forgiveness fosters trust and peace


In the first few months of being married to my husband, I began to learn the truth of this statement. I read a quote that once said, "Apologizing doesn't always mean you're wrong, and the other person is right. It means you value your relationship more than your ego!" By giving and seeking forgiveness it shows that you are humble enough to accept the faults of your spouse and you. Being humble and willing to work with your spouse can bring such peace of mind. This shows your spouse that you want your relationship to last.

The YouTube channel Soul Pancake produced this video about the positive effects of forgiveness. I think these effects directly apply to a marriage relationship:



Both seeking and giving forgiveness are extremely important. Through sincere forgiveness and a true desire to change, any marriage can last through thick and thin.

For more resources about forgiveness and the LDS Church's thoughts on it check these links below:
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
Repentance and Forgiveness in Marriage
The Miracle of Forgiveness

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Time: Together and Apart



I read this quote and it made me think of a few things I'd like to  share. Being a newlywed I was more than happy to spend time with my husband. However, I soon realized that time apart is as important as time together. Here are a few pieces of advice about spending time with your spouse that I have learned as a young LDS newlywed.

1. Spending time together is essential

     Yes, this may sound silly, but spending time with your spouse is essential. This is why you got married in the first place, right? Marriage takes work; it's not just something that comes with ease. And as you and your spouse spend the time together making it work, you will keep your marriage alive.  It is a way to show your partner the love you have for them.  It's important to spend time with your spouse, but it's more about what you make of it. 
     
2. Spend quality time together

     Spending time with one another is one thing, but that doesn't mean staring longingly into each other's eyes for hours. Time together needs to be something productive and enjoyable. Kyle and I learned this while dating. After getting past the phase of constantly talking to get to know one another, we realized that we needed to find something to do together. For us, that became "The Office". We found that watching TV/Netflix was how we could spend time together with little to no cost (and effort!).
     But there came an end to the seasons, and we were stuck finding a new show. We were successful in this attempt, but about four months into our marriage we were in a "showhole". Finding a TV show that was 1) Clean and wholesome 2) that fit both of our interests and 3) something that we didn't have to wait for a week to watch was quite impossible. For us we have now tried to find other uses of our time. Reading scriptures together, going running, and focusing on our classes have been a few of the ways that we have found is a useful way for us to spend time together. Here are some others from LDS Living.

For more idea's check out my Pinterest Board

3. Understand what your partner needs

     This is something that I learned while dating but am continuing to learn in marriage. Kyle and I have very different view on how to spend time. I am the person that if I have 6 hours to complete a task I will lazily take the whole 6 hours. Kyle, on the other hand, will champ it out in 2 hours and have 4 left to do what he wants. Compromise has been a big factor in how we spend time. I have learned to understand that sometimes we need to be super productive and accomplish many things. Kyle has learned to sit on the couch for a few hours and be lazy.
     It is important to understand how your partner likes using their time with you. Quality time is one of the five love languages. These are ways in which your partner and yourself express love, and how you prefer love to be received. To learn what your love language is, you can take the quiz here. This will help you understand how your partner feels loved and can be a guide to tell you how your time together can be spent more effectively.

"...The one who marries to give happiness as well as receive it, to give service as well as to receive it, and who looks after the interests of the two and then the family as it comes will have a good chance that the marriage will be a happy one.” -Spencer W. Kimball "Oneness in Marriage"

4. Time apart can be just as essential

     Going into marriage I expected to always want to spend time with my spouse, but I learned that sometimes that isn't the case. Don't get me wrong I always love spending time with my husband but there are times that I need to be alone. At first I hated when Kyle left for work, and I was left home alone. I soon realized that being home alone allowed me some "me time", and I learned to relished in it! I learned that it's okay to have "me time". It doesn't mean that I love my spouse any less.
      Don't lose yourself in your spouse. It is really easy to morph into your spouse when getting married. It is important to not lose the person you were before you got married. Be yourself, have your hobbies, enjoy what you want to enjoy! Taking time for yourself isn't selfish, it is essential to keeping your sanity. It also makes you cherish the time that you do spend together. This is a piece of advice that has greatly benefited my marriage.

5. Life gets busy, appreciate the time you have.

     Kyle and I spent an uninterrupted 7 days straight together on our honeymoon, and it was absolute bliss. Soon after we got married, we started our first semester of school as a married couple and life got busy. We had homework, our jobs, and figuring out our lives together. One piece of advice is to cherish the time you have with your spouse. There are so many things in life that keep you busy. I am grateful for the time I spend with Kyle because I know life will get busier with more school for Kyle and the eventual addition of children to our family (nothing immediate). I love this quote that says,



Spending quality time with your spouse is the best way to build and strengthen your marriage. It is also essential to spend time apart so you can keep your identity. What are some ways that spending time with and apart from your spouse has strengthened your marriage? Comment below!

Friday, January 15, 2016

My Introduction and Reasonings

Welcome to my Blog! 

My name is Rhylie Anderson and I am 19 years old. I am married to the most amazing man and we have been married now a little over 5 months. We were married in the LDS Payson Utah Temple on August 7th, 2015. I am an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I hold my faith very dear to my heart.
Here is a little backstory of my relationship with my husband. I started dating my husband Kyle a little over a month after moving away to college. Kyle had returned from serving a LDS mission in Italy the previous summer and was starting his first year of college when we met. We met at the LDS institute near our university but didn’t really talk to each other until a homecoming event on the Friday of that week. We immediately clicked and started dating within a week after our first encounter. We dated our whole first year of college and got engaged the following May. We dated for 8 ½ months before we got engaged.
Dating wasn’t easy, we did have differing opinions and trials but we determined that our relationship was special and we wanted to be together forever.  I went into marriage with many different expectations, and within a month many of those had to be dealt with and thrown out. Since dating wasn’t the easiest I am still baffled that I had the impression that marriage was going to be a walk in the park. My husband and I have been through many trials in our first months of marriage but because of those things I feel I am a far greater person now than I was even at the beginning of our marriage. I understand how incredibly blessed I am to have found my eternal companion so early in my life. Many people would say that I didn’t live enough of my life to figure out who I am yet or that I am “leaving the party early” but to start living my life with my best friend by my side every step of the way brings me the most happiness.

This blog will be about my experiences in this young marriage and the things that I have already learned (or been made aware of) about being a married couple. I will be using personal experiences and thoughts and advice from other outside sources. I hope to help those who are dating, newly married, and those who have been married quite a while understand how they can improve their relationship with their spouse or significant other and come closer to perfection through Jesus Christ.

I'll leave you with this quote that describes how I feel about my husband perfectly.
-Rhylie
Source: freefoodphotos.com