Forgiving: The Most Important Quality

I have learned within the few short months of being married the truth of the title of this post. Forgiveness is one of the most important (and probably the most occurring) action we take in marriage. I read this article on "Nurturing Marriage" and it made me think about how forgiveness has had an impact on my marriage. Here a few tips on how in your marriage, or any relationship, you can improve forgiveness.

1. Don't focus on the little annoyances and shortcomings

Your spouse and you are different people, this isn't a new concept, I hope. Once you get married it seems that all of the little things that were simple annoyances now seem like big roadblocks. It can be a huge downfall when we hold onto this frustration and occasionally anger, because it blocks the trust within your relationship. There is a wise quote that says:

We are not perfect people, and we are not meant to become such in this life. I have learned that these little "issues" are what make my husband and I different, and that's the way it should be. It is important to always focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you hate or dislike about them. I may not be perfect with this concept but I am working on it, and that's what really counts. 

"We all have our weaknesses and failings. Sometimes the husband sees a failing in his wife, and he upbraids her with it. Sometimes the wife feels that her husband has not done just the right thing, and she upbraids him. What good does it do? Is not forgiveness better? Is not charity better? Is not love better?" -Joseph F. Smith

2. Sincere apologies and forgiveness are the most beneficial

In my last post I mentioned the 5 love languages, and now I bring to light the Apology Languages. These are ways in which a person wants, asks for, and likes receiving forgiveness. To find out what your language is click here. 

Sincere and explanatory apologies are essential because they help your spouse understand what you feel went wrong. I tend to say "I'm sorry" for every little thing. Kyle has encouraged me to explain what I feel I did wrong, and most times there really isn't a problem. Being specific allows for more growth between partners, because it is more than a simple exchange of words. It is chance to better understand one another. Tip: It is helpful if your apology doesn't simply include "I'm sorry" but also asks for forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't one sided. It is both asking and giving. It requires both partners. 

Michelle of #staymarried gives a few great tips for the best apology, check it out here.

3. Asking forgiveness implies change

To ask for forgiveness isn't just accepting blame but accepting that you are going to improve. This quality makes giving forgiveness 10x easier. There are going to be things that you need to improve, its human nature. Something that I have a problem with is interrupting Kyle with really random thoughts when he is in the middle of discussing something. Now, this has been something that I continue to ask forgiveness for, but I am always trying to work on it. I feel that I don't fully receive forgiveness by simply saying "I'm sorry" but through working on what I have done wrong. Just asking for forgiveness from your spouse doesn't necessarily mean that we will receive it, unless its coupled with a true change of heart. This directly applies to the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He is willing and ready to give forgiveness as long as we have a change of heart and work on improving. 

"To every forgiveness there is a condition. The plaster must be as wide as the sore. " - Spencer W. Kimball

4. Forgiveness fosters trust and peace

In the first few months of being married to my husband, I began to learn the truth of this statement. I read a quote that once said, "Apologizing doesn't always mean you're wrong, and the other person is right. It means you value your relationship more than your ego!" By giving and seeking forgiveness it shows that you are humble enough to accept the faults of your spouse and you. Being humble and willing to work with your spouse can bring such peace of mind. This shows your spouse that you want your relationship to last.

The YouTube channel Soul Pancake produced this video about the positive effects of forgiveness. I think these effects directly apply to a marriage relationship:

Both seeking and giving forgiveness are extremely important. Through sincere forgiveness and a true desire to change, any marriage can last through thick and thin.

For more resources about forgiveness and the LDS Church's thoughts on it check these links below:
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
Repentance and Forgiveness in Marriage
The Miracle of Forgiveness