How to Serve my Spouse

How do I serve my spouse effectively and lovingly? How can I become less selfish in marriage? What are easy ways to serve my spouse?

These are some of the questions I've thought about recently. Advice givers always say to serve your spouse, but how? Now, I haven't learned or applied all of the answers to these questions in my life, but I am consistently working towards that goal. The point of this post is to help you improve the quality of your marriage, or your future marriage. There are many sources on Pinterest or even on Google that can answer my questions, but I wanted more personalized and relative answers. Below are a few of my favorite pieces of advice and wisdom that I learned about effective service in marriage.

1. Why is it important to serve my spouse?

I didn't realize how crucial service can be in a marriage until I got married. I serve my spouse every day without realizing it, but we need to not rely solely on the day to day things. At times, service to your spouse needs to be intentional. Service is a way to keep your love alive. It also helps you gain a better perspective on Christlike charity and service. I am learning more about the love and service of my Savior from the service and love I feel for my spouse. Overall, it is important to serve your spouse because it prepares you for all other service you will render throughout your life. What better way to practice joyfully serving your children than to serve your spouse? I really love how simply this video below shows the importance of service in marriage.

2. What can service do for my marriage?

I can verify first hand that service can do a lot not only for your marriage but for yourself. Service can help you become more selfless. I love this quote below from Richard G. Scott found here.

I have come to gain a testimony of this statement. Since being married, I am becoming less selfish, which is such a blessing. I am learning to love to serve my spouse. I've been able to overcome some selfish tendencies because I consciously make an effort to think about my spouse first. I am realizing more now that marriage isn't just a fun adventure, but it's helping me prepare for children and for the eternities. Service has also helped Kyle and I grow closer together. Sister Barbara B. Smith in a general conference talk said, "Service within a family increases spirituality and strengthens bonds of love." I believe this because I have seen these effects first hand. As Kyle and I serve one another, we become better friends and our love grows stronger. This has helped us have a more positive outlook and a more blissful life - all blessings from serving one another.

3. What are ways in which I can serve my spouse?

There are many simple and easy ways to serve your spouse. Service doesn't need to take hours or tons of effort. I've learned that not only is it important to serve your spouse, but it is equally important to serve with your spouse. I know there are many ideas all over the internet, but here are a few of my ideas that have been highly effective in my marriage.

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• Attend the temple together -You serve your spouse by giving them an opportunity to serve others!
• Understand their schedule - This might sound odd, but a great way to serve your spouse is by knowing when they are going to be free and busy.
• Smile - Offering a willing smile can cheer them up and help brighten their day.
• Assist them with their church callings - If they are prepping for a lesson or scheduling meetings, offer to help.
• Pray for them - You may not be able to see the benefits, but it does way more than you know. You may also be more readily inspired to know how to better serve them!

Here are a few unique lists for serving your spouse that I really enjoy. Remember, not all marriages are the same, so be sure to apply what fits your marriage.

From Grass Fed Mama:

• Scrape the ice off their windshield in the winter
• Choose not to nag about something that hasn't been completed
• Wash their car
• Pick up their favorite snack when you are at the grocery store

Seeing Sunshine gives 50 ideas:

• Put your phone down
• Make them a playlist
• Spend some time doing their hobbies with them
• Talk positively about them in public

Lara from Overstuffed gives some great insights for simple actions to better serve your spouse:

• Thank them
• Ask them
• Observe them

4. What are problems involving service that can occur in marriage?

This might not be a question you would think to ask, but it is one that I wish I had asked before getting married. Service doesn't always cause problems, but it can, and it's good to be prepared. In my last post, I blogged about when I first got married, I felt like I always needed to do all the housework. Service became a problem when Kyle would do the dishes, and I would attribute it to me not being a good enough wife. Extreme, I know, but I've since learned better. It seems that sometimes it is hard to accept service from other people. Society is craving more independency and pushing this idea to all of it's members. This can be in an issue in any budding marriage. I know that I should be serving my spouse, but am I allowing my spouse to serve me? To graciously and willingly accept service from your spouse can foster many great things. This is hard, believe me, but it is a worthy goal to work toward. I've realized that if I want my spouse to accept my service willingly, then I should do the same.

Another problem that I have seen is keeping score. "Well I did the dishes the last 3 times, and you haven't done them at all this week!" Service should never be demanded or expected. Make sure that when you willingly accept service from your spouse and others to not make a tally in your head. We should always be serving, but not for the purpose of 'getting even' or 'paying you back'. Accept service as it is, a kind gesture out of love. Even though we many not be keeping score, at times it can seem that the service is never reciprocated. If this is the case for you, make sure you talk to your spouse. Communication is key in serving your spouse. Also, D&C 64:33 gives great advice, "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." 
Service can be and should be a joy to render. Understand that service for your spouse or anyone else brings great blessings to your life. I love this advice I heard in a church lesson once, "Service is joyful when its given in this order:

• J esus

• O thers

• Y ourself "

If you have any ideas or suggestion on ways to effectively serve your spouse or blessings you have seen in you marriage from serving one another, comment below!

Love, Dating, and Flirting

Oneness in Marriage

I am dating while being married. Even though I am married, I am still dating my spouse. I also flirt with him too! In light of the upcoming Valentines day, I wanted to share my thoughts about love, dating, and flirting with your spouse.

1. Show Love           Daily

And yes, I mean daily. This may sound obvious, but life gets busy. Time flies by, work gets harder, and kids come into the picture. Showing love to your spouse becomes harder, but is essential to keeping alive that love that was blooming at the first of your marriage. When I first got married, life was pretty easy (partially because it was the end of summer break). When school started, life definitely got busier, and it seems that the longer I am married the busier it gets. I like to take a few moments of each day to let my husband know how I feel about him and my gratitude for him. It's not easy, but I know that if I don't do these things now our love will wilt away. 

It is important to take time to express love to your spouse. This doesn't need to be a grand gesture with a marching band and exhaust writing from a plane. The small things and gestures are sometimes the most effective. There are many ways to show your spouse how much you love and care for them. Here are a few ideas:

a.     Tell them "I Love You"
b.     Leave them a note sharing your love
c.     Kiss them spontaneously
d.     Serve them
e.     Initiate intimacy
f.      Pray for your spouse with your spouse
g.     Take them on a date
h.     Flirt with them
i.      Treat them to a great night out

These are just a few that I have tried, but the list could go on forever. To find more suggestions, check out an additional 50 ideas here. Also, below is a video from the Mormon Channel with advice from a few couples discussing the ways that they express love to one another.

2. Date your Spouse

Once you get married, keep dating! Just because you are no longer in the game of pursuing an eternal companion, does not mean that your relationship can just coast along. Dating is how your love for one another began, and it is the same in marriage to keep it growing. Dating is a chance to spend quality time with your spouse. It gives you, as a couple, the chance to get to know each other even deeper. I have learned many new things about my husband when we are able to go and do something new together. It fosters great conversations and creates lasting memories.

Dates don't have to cost a lot or take a lot of time. My husband and I have had dates where we clean the house and reward ourselves with Costa Vida or Panda Express (which are our all-time favorite restaurants). Our dates can be a trip to Walmart or a walk around the block. Dates are what you and your spouse make of them. Find out what Nurturing Marriage says on why you should still ask your spouse out on dates here. 

Dates can be planned or spontaneous. Trying to figure out new and fun date ideas can be difficult, but The Dating Divas have so many great ideas for any type of date. From occasions to themes, they have it all. To check them out, go to their website here or their Pinterest page here. 

"Husbands and wives who no longer laugh and play together are losing their fondness for each other and perhaps even their capacity to stay together. True love includes a joyful, almost childlike quality." - Hugh W. Pinnock

3. Flirting isn't just for Single people

You flirt to get someone's attention, right? Even though you are married, at times you still need to get the attention of your spouse. Flirting can be a great way to show your spouse your love for them. It makes your spouse feel pursued and desired, even though they have already been 'caught'. This is a great way to keep that spark alive that you felt before you were married. 
Here are a few ideas on how to flirt with your spouse:

a.     Send a cute text about how you feel
b.     Wink from across the room
d.     Play footsies (in a public place)
e.     Plant a spontaneous kiss on their lips
f.      Send a flirty pic of yourself to them
g.     Take advantage of a red stop light
h.     Write a cute message on the mirror/shower
i.      Make a bet with kisses as the reward
j.      Create sexy pet names for each other

If you have any other suggestions be sure to comment below.

Marriage is hard work. By following these three pieces of advice, your relationship 'flower' can stay in full bloom and grow even more beautiful. This Valentines Day, or every day really, show your spouse how much you love and appreciate them through the small and simple gestures listed above.