My Six Month Reality Check - Expectations vs. The Truth

I recently hit my six month mark of marriage! (Yea me!!!) Because of this, I spent some time this week reflecting on some of the expectations I had coming into marriage. I've come to learn that many of these ideas were completely wrong. Some of these expectations were advice that friends and family had given me, but now don't quite fit my marriage.  My marriage has had its difficulties, I won't lie, but it has been a great adventure. Below are a few of the most influential expectations I had coming into marriage and how they have changed in these last six months. When reading this post, remember to take my advice only as far as it pertains to your personal relationships. Each marriage is unique.

1. Marriage means 'Happily Ever After'.

A wedding, or marriage, is occasionally referred to as one's 'happily ever after'. This is far from reality. The wedding may be your 'once upon a time', but that is not where your story ends. This has been important for me to learn because it emphasizes the importance of the journey in marriage. Just because you are married (or in a committed relationship) does not mean that life stands still. I've learned first hand that marriage takes effort, but it has been the most rewarding experience of my entire life. What I take this to refer to now is that marriage can be the happiest time in your life, but you need to understand that 'happily ever after' doesn't mean that you will always be blissfully happy. 

2. We will never argue. 

I thought that once we got married everything would be easy because we were so similar and loved each other. This has been proven wrong, a few too many times. Kyle and I have disagreed on a number things since being married, and some of them have gotten pretty heated. I wasn't prepared for how many little annoyances would become a big issue once I became married. This was such a bad expectation to come into marriage with, because I realized that I didn't really know how to resolve our disagreements. Most of these expectations have come back to bite me, but they have taught me a lot about myself. Understand that disagreements are inherent in any relationship, and especially in marriage. The best way to prepare for this is to learn how to combat these issues when they arise. I will talk more about conflict resolution in a future post, so stay tuned.

3. Intimacy will come naturally and easily.

To preface, my husband and I waited until after marriage before having sex. I knew that sex would be a new learning experience, but I didn't prepare myself for the idea that it wouldn't be glamorous or easy. The media teaches that intimacy comes easily, and you won't be awkward or shy about it. Once I got married, I was slapped in the face with the reality that this new side of our relationship would take some practice. Before marriage, I lived by the idea that if I truly loved Kyle, I wouldn't let myself be intimate with him. But upon getting married, in the blink of an eye, that all changed. That change required time to adjust to. Intimacy in marriage is approved by God, but it takes time for sex to feel more natural. Overall, I have learned that intimacy is nothing like the media portrays. It take practice. I have also learned that it may not be 'perfect' at first, but it definitely gets better and more natural over time. 

4. Wives do all the housework.

This is not something that I thought about much coming into my marriage. I was never told that wives have to do all the housework, but I somehow thought that it was my duty to do so. I soon became overwhelmed with everything I felt expected to do (cook, dishes, laundry, and clean the house). It took communication with my husband to understand what we each were going to do around the house. We are both full time students and working part time. This article helped me understand I couldn't do it all, and that that's okay. We agreed that since we both have the same workload, that we would share the household duties. I cook most of the meals (because I actually like to) and Kyle cleans the toilet most of the time (because it's my least favorite). I found it is important to find joy in doing the things that you don't like, but this can be a hard thing to do. Buzzfeed has 37 hacks for dish washing that have greatly impacted my life (because I loathe dish washing) that you can find here.

I have learned more fully that marriage is an equal partnership. We are both new to this, and it takes some practice. Marriage is the most time consuming, stress inducing, and rewarding thing I have ever done, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my husband more now than the day we got married, and I know that that love will continue growing over time. Expectations can help us prepare for the future, but we need to make sure that they don't limit us from moving forward.