Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Marriage Lessons Learned from a Newlywed

As this semester is coming to a close I have chosen to again reflect back on the expectations and realities of being a newlywed. Getting married to my best friend was the absolute best choice I could have made in my life. I feel I've grown up so much in the last 8 1/2 months of being married to my sweetheart! Below are a few lessons that I have come to realize are tips about of married life, especially newlywed life. 

1. Laugh through life.

Previously to marriage, I had the odd expectation that I would never be embarrassed in front of my husband. Ya, not true. I still get embarrassed when I stumble on words when I read (believe me, I don't know why), even more now that I am married. I care more what my husband thinks of me than any other person, and that is okay! I've learned there is a difference between feeling embarrassed and being humiliated. 

Everyone does things that could be classified as embarrassing; it's how you and your spouse handle it that makes the difference. For me, it seems that talking or pointing out the problem is more embarrassing than the thing itself. Learn that uncomfortable and awkward situations will occur, especially in the newlywed phase, but it's how you address it that helps your relationship grow. 

It is more than okay to tease and joke with your spouse as long as they understand that there is love behind every comment. As much as I say I hate it, I love it when Kyle pokes fun at some of the silly things that I do, because it keeps our marriage light and happy. Laughing is said to be the 'best medicine', and it is so true for a marriage. Laugh everyday with your spouse because it can help the both of you combat the harsh realities and problems of adult married life.

2. Life will not be perfect tomorrow, or next week, or even next year. 


Man, is this a harsh lesson to learn. I am a perfectionist, and have been my whole life. I struggle the most with forgiving myself when I do something wrong and am my toughest critic. Like I mentioned in my social media blogpostI struggle with not comparing my imperfect marriage to the 'perfect' marriages of my peers I see online. It seems that only my husband and I have disagreements and bad days, because I never see any other couple with these problems. In testimony meeting on Sunday, the High Counselor over our ward gave this great advice, "Your lives are not perfect now, and it's okay. As you and your spouse come closer to your Savior individually and as a couple, you will become perfected. The longer my spouse and I are together, the more perfected we are becoming." This touched me because I gained greater courage that marriage's don't start out perfect, but in the end we hope that they become such. 

This earth is a testing period where God wants us to learn and grow so we can become stronger and more faithful individuals before we meet Him again. Life is going to throw you some fastballs and curve balls, and as long as you and your spouse stand up to the plate together with the same purpose, you will be able to hit a home run and end up better than you were before. It's tough sometimes, but have hope that as you rely on God you can take those small steps toward a more perfected marriage. 

3. Just because I am not pregnant doesn't mean I am wasting my life. 

I absolutely love this ecard! Any newlywed knows the truth of this statement, especially in the LDS culture! It seems that everyone in my ward and online is getting pregnant. I've also realized that it seems like everyone is getting engaged and married. I've learned that I notice baby announcements because that is what is next for me. It's hard for me not to feel left out, being, what seems like, the only newlywed that is not currently pregnant or plans to be in the near future. Newlywed Survival addresses 3 things to never ask newlyweds, and one is, "When are you going to start a family?" They mention that it's no one's business except the couple, and it's completely up to them (and I would mention God too). The decision to start having children is a decision that is influenced by many different factors, and God understands that. I have come to learn that as long as Kyle and I are preparing ourselves individually and as a couple to be great parents, we are doing righteous things. Again, just because I am not pregnant doesn't mean I am wasting my life.

These are just a few of the lessons that I have learned since becoming married, and I know there are many lessons that still need to be learned. I trust that God has a plan for me and that as I have faith in that plan I will grow and become more like him. For more throughout the week, remember to like my Facebook page, and follow me on Instagram.  

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