Marriage Lessons Learned from a Newlywed

As this semester is coming to a close I have chosen to again reflect back on the expectations and realities of being a newlywed. Getting married to my best friend was the absolute best choice I could have made in my life. I feel I've grown up so much in the last 8 1/2 months of being married to my sweetheart! Below are a few lessons that I have come to realize are tips about of married life, especially newlywed life. 

1. Laugh through life.

Previously to marriage, I had the odd expectation that I would never be embarrassed in front of my husband. Ya, not true. I still get embarrassed when I stumble on words when I read (believe me, I don't know why), even more now that I am married. I care more what my husband thinks of me than any other person, and that is okay! I've learned there is a difference between feeling embarrassed and being humiliated. 

Everyone does things that could be classified as embarrassing; it's how you and your spouse handle it that makes the difference. For me, it seems that talking or pointing out the problem is more embarrassing than the thing itself. Learn that uncomfortable and awkward situations will occur, especially in the newlywed phase, but it's how you address it that helps your relationship grow. 

It is more than okay to tease and joke with your spouse as long as they understand that there is love behind every comment. As much as I say I hate it, I love it when Kyle pokes fun at some of the silly things that I do, because it keeps our marriage light and happy. Laughing is said to be the 'best medicine', and it is so true for a marriage. Laugh everyday with your spouse because it can help the both of you combat the harsh realities and problems of adult married life.

2. Life will not be perfect tomorrow, or next week, or even next year. 

Man, is this a harsh lesson to learn. I am a perfectionist, and have been my whole life. I struggle the most with forgiving myself when I do something wrong and am my toughest critic. Like I mentioned in my social media blogpost, I struggle with not comparing my imperfect marriage to the 'perfect' marriages of my peers I see online. It seems that only my husband and I have disagreements and bad days, because I never see any other couple with these problems. In testimony meeting on Sunday, the High Counselor over our ward gave this great advice, "Your lives are not perfect now, and it's okay. As you and your spouse come closer to your Savior individually and as a couple, you will become perfected. The longer my spouse and I are together, the more perfected we are becoming." This touched me because I gained greater courage that marriage's don't start out perfect, but in the end we hope that they become such. 

This earth is a testing period where God wants us to learn and grow so we can become stronger and more faithful individuals before we meet Him again. Life is going to throw you some fastballs and curve balls, and as long as you and your spouse stand up to the plate together with the same purpose, you will be able to hit a home run and end up better than you were before. It's tough sometimes, but have hope that as you rely on God you can take those small steps toward a more perfected marriage. 

3. Just because I am not pregnant doesn't mean I am wasting my life. 

I absolutely love this ecard! Any newlywed knows the truth of this statement, especially in the LDS culture! It seems that everyone in my ward and online is getting pregnant. I've also realized that it seems like everyone is getting engaged and married. I've learned that I notice baby announcements because that is what is next for me. It's hard for me not to feel left out, being, what seems like, the only newlywed that is not currently pregnant or plans to be in the near future. Newlywed Survival addresses 3 things to never ask newlyweds, and one is, "When are you going to start a family?" They mention that it's no one's business except the couple, and it's completely up to them (and I would mention God too). The decision to start having children is a decision that is influenced by many different factors, and God understands that. I have come to learn that as long as Kyle and I are preparing ourselves individually and as a couple to be great parents, we are doing righteous things. Again, just because I am not pregnant doesn't mean I am wasting my life.

These are just a few of the lessons that I have learned since becoming married, and I know there are many lessons that still need to be learned. I trust that God has a plan for me and that as I have faith in that plan I will grow and become more like him. For more throughout the week, remember to like my Facebook page, and follow me on Instagram.  

How does Social Media affect my Marriage?

Recently, I have pondered how social media and spending a lot of time affects my marriage. I contemplated how it can detract and add to my marriage. I've done a lot of research this week finding the best articles to share with you, and I hope you enjoy. These tips aren't just for those who are married, engaged, or dating, but for anyone and everyone of all ages! These three tips below, I believe, can have a great impact on all of your relationship's, especially your marriage. 

1. Beware of Digital Infidelity

What is Digital Infidelity? Focus on the Family defines it, "when people use social media and other electronic communication to cross marital boundaries. This can take the form of suggestive chatting or picture messaging, or when you emotionally bond through email with someone other than your spouse." This is one of the new poisonous effects of social media on modern marriages. Many people friend an old crush, and catching-up messages turn into long chats and emotional conversations. These start out seeming so innocent, but can quickly turn into something serious. Below are a few tips that can help us keep faithful to our spouses while online.

1. Don't even tempt yourself - don't friend or follow any past crushes or exes.
2. Talk about your spouse - One way to ward off potentially flirtatious messaging is to talk about your spouse in the conversation. You and the person you are chatting with will be able to see how committed you are. 
3. Allow your spouse access to your social media accounts - Yes, just like my mom did when I was in high school. By giving your spouse access, you are less likely to do something wrong. 
4. Continue to check yourself - Ask questions like "is this an appropriate relationship?", "Would I feel comfortable if my spouse were next to me?", and "Would God approve of this?".
5. Keep your spouse your priority - Make sure that your spouse is still your #1, and don't allow the drama of the past distract you. 

"Prophets teach that successful marriage partners are “fiercely loyal” to each other. They keep their social media use fully worthy in every way. They permit themselves no secret Internet experiences. ...They never do or say anything that approaches the appearance of impropriety, either virtually or physically." -L. Whitney Clayton

2. Don't let yourself become distracted by your technology!

This can hurt your marriage significantly. If your spouse feels that your technology and social media is more important than they are, it can decrease the trust in your marriage. Ryan Frederick of Fierce Marriage gives this great wisdom, "Life is short, quality time is scarce. That thing that distracts you will likely be forgotten before the week ends. The quality time you spend with your spouse will bear fruit for a lifetime." I agree with this completely. I struggle with spending too much time on my phone at times. I try to overcome this tendency by having my husband remind me of my goal to be on social media less. I have also tried setting a timer for how long I can be on my phone. By implementing these two ideas, I've improved little by little. Nurturing Marriage addresses 7 ways your phone is destroying your marriage. They mention that our phones are the first object we grab for in the morning and the last object we touch at night. Remember, marriage is between you and your spouse, not your phone. I absolutely love this video below and it's messages about living in the present and not in an online reality. If we applied these principles to our own marriages, we would grow closer together and not be influenced by our phone.

3. Don't compare your marriage or yourself to another's 'perfect' life.

This is an action that I personally struggle with. Many hours have been spent comparing my marriage or engagement to those I see on Instagram and Facebook. I think that this quote below is how we all should look at others on social media.

I think it is so important to not compare our marriage to those of others. There are many times scrolling through Facebook, seeing engagement announcements, wedding pictures, and baby announcements, that I start to compare myself to others. This only brings pain and jealousy. Fierce Marriage gives a great quote, "Social media allows us to show pieces of our lives – and only the ones we choose to show, which are often just the greatest pieces and moments. This is not a bad thing; however, the trouble begins when we start perceiving these as reality and not simply as beautiful moments in time." I absolutely love this. You need to cherish the moments in your own life and not become jealous of the cherished moments of others. We need to be continually asking, "Where does my validation come from?" I have learned that when I ask myself this, I am less likely to care how many likes my Instagram post gets. 

I've also learned that I need to beware of the reasons why I post something on one of my social media accounts. When I post a picture to document and share with family, I am less likely to care how many likes I get! We need to make sure that we are not posting because we want to show off, because it opens up the possibility for others to compare. 



I am not saying that you should delete all of your social media platforms, but beware of the potentially negative effects it can have on your marriage. Social Media can be a great tool to connect with friends and family if we use it for the right reasons. I know that if you take this advice your relationship with your spouse can be strengthened. For more questions to keep yourself in check, go check out LDS Living's Eight Questions to Help You Consider the Impact of Social Media on Your Marriage. If you have any other tips to help keep yourself in check, be sure to comment below!