Time: Together and Apart

I read this quote and it made me think of a few things I'd like to  share. Being a newlywed I was more than happy to spend time with my husband. However, I soon realized that time apart is as important as time together. Here are a few pieces of advice about spending time with your spouse that I have learned as a young LDS newlywed.

1. Spending time together is essential

     Yes, this may sound silly, but spending time with your spouse is essential. This is why you got married in the first place, right? Marriage takes work; it's not just something that comes with ease. And as you and your spouse spend the time together making it work, you will keep your marriage alive.  It is a way to show your partner the love you have for them.  It's important to spend time with your spouse, but it's more about what you make of it. 

     

2. Spend quality time together

     Spending time with one another is one thing, but that doesn't mean staring longingly into each other's eyes for hours. Time together needs to be something productive and enjoyable. Kyle and I learned this while dating. After getting past the phase of constantly talking to get to know one another, we realized that we needed to find something to do together. For us, that became "The Office". We found that watching TV/Netflix was how we could spend time together with little to no cost (and effort!).
     But there came an end to the seasons, and we were stuck finding a new show. We were successful in this attempt, but about four months into our marriage we were in a "showhole". Finding a TV show that was 1) Clean and wholesome 2) that fit both of our interests and 3) something that we didn't have to wait for a week to watch was quite impossible. For us we have now tried to find other uses of our time. Reading scriptures together, going running, and focusing on our classes have been a few of the ways that we have found is a useful way for us to spend time together. Here are some others from LDS Living.

For more idea's check out my Pinterest Board

3. Understand what your partner needs

     This is something that I learned while dating but am continuing to learn in marriage. Kyle and I have very different view on how to spend time. I am the person that if I have 6 hours to complete a task I will lazily take the whole 6 hours. Kyle, on the other hand, will champ it out in 2 hours and have 4 left to do what he wants. Compromise has been a big factor in how we spend time. I have learned to understand that sometimes we need to be super productive and accomplish many things. Kyle has learned to sit on the couch for a few hours and be lazy.
     It is important to understand how your partner likes using their time with you. Quality time is one of the five love languages. These are ways in which your partner and yourself express love, and how you prefer love to be received. To learn what your love language is, you can take the quiz here. This will help you understand how your partner feels loved and can be a guide to tell you how your time together can be spent more effectively.

"...The one who marries to give happiness as well as receive it, to give service as well as to receive it, and who looks after the interests of the two and then the family as it comes will have a good chance that the marriage will be a happy one.” -Spencer W. Kimball "Oneness in Marriage"

4. Time apart can be just as essential

     Going into marriage I expected to always want to spend time with my spouse, but I learned that sometimes that isn't the case. Don't get me wrong I always love spending time with my husband but there are times that I need to be alone. At first I hated when Kyle left for work, and I was left home alone. I soon realized that being home alone allowed me some "me time", and I learned to relished in it! I learned that it's okay to have "me time". It doesn't mean that I love my spouse any less.
      Don't lose yourself in your spouse. It is really easy to morph into your spouse when getting married. It is important to not lose the person you were before you got married. Be yourself, have your hobbies, enjoy what you want to enjoy! Taking time for yourself isn't selfish, it is essential to keeping your sanity. It also makes you cherish the time that you do spend together. This is a piece of advice that has greatly benefited my marriage.

5. Life gets busy, appreciate the time you have.

     Kyle and I spent an uninterrupted 7 days straight together on our honeymoon, and it was absolute bliss. Soon after we got married, we started our first semester of school as a married couple and life got busy. We had homework, our jobs, and figuring out our lives together. One piece of advice is to cherish the time you have with your spouse. There are so many things in life that keep you busy. I am grateful for the time I spend with Kyle because I know life will get busier with more school for Kyle and the eventual addition of children to our family (nothing immediate). I love this quote that says,

Spending quality time with your spouse is the best way to build and strengthen your marriage. It is also essential to spend time apart so you can keep your identity. What are some ways that spending time with and apart from your spouse has strengthened your marriage? Comment below!